Am I becoming an outcast? I would like to think not, I think my friendships are still healthy and I have a beautiful girlfriend. Within my group of friends we laugh, joke and tease like any other. Something that happened last night had me questioning this view of myself though.
A friend and I went out to a gig and for a few beers, for those interested the band was La Dispute, they are a Michigan based hardcore rock band. The rock gig is an environment I feel comfortable in, I drink, listen and generally have a good time. It came as a bit of a shock to me when the girl in front of us turned round and told me to smile, cheer up and that I looked like “a fucking Emo”. Again for those that are interested this is an Emo, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo well at least that is Emo muic, the Emos themselves are the moody followers of said music, they are notoriously melancholy and depressing, insisting that the world doesn’t understand them. To be called an Emo is not good, not good at all.
It had me thinking am I actually a depressing moody miserable git? My friend assured me otherwise and I am inclined to agree, not least because I don’t want to be. I was definitely not moody at the gig, I was thoroughly enjoying the music, beer and company. My only offence seems to have been the fact that I did not emit these feelings with every atom of my being, I should have been bouncing smiling and shouting apparently. Well that is not me, and I don’t think it is many fishermen/womens way.
I personally feel no need to transmit my emotions to total strangers around me, my pursuits are generally inward looking and often solitary. At the most my hobbies are shared with a handful of close friends and we feel no need for that justification from another person that the rock club girl apparently thrives on.
Does this introvert nature make me an Emo or an outcast? Is this introvert nature with no dependence on social reassurance of my actions part of the reason for my love of fishing? Are all anglers naturally introverted? I don’t know. It is fundamental to me being me. Sure I enjoy sharing special moments with people. Hell, if you meet me in a pub I will natter all night about the unbelievably complex wonders of the natural world and fishing in particular. If however you see me quietly stood nodding away at a rock gig, I am not depressed, I am enjoying the music in my own way with no desire to share that experience with the strangers around me. If that changes look for me in the mosh pit but I wouldn’t count on it.